Snowmygod: Hibernation 2011

Hello. My name is Jill. You probably think we haven’t met before because it’s been so long since you’ve seen me. I’m basically the same, only much paler.

I know I come from the midwest where we barely blink at a foot of snow, but the winter seems like it has lasted for at least a year. I hate when people are always complaining about winter (helLO, it happens every year), but as it turns out, I might be one of those people. Remember when you used to be able to go outside without a coat? No? I DON’T EITHER.

According to a very unscientific survey of people I know and of questionable accuracy, it’s been a bad winter here. We’ve had about 79 inches of snow from December through February. That is over 6 1/2 FEET. That is a tall-ass man amount of snow.

At first, it was sort of magical. After the second storm, I walked in the street on my way to the train, because the sidewalks were knee-deep. I felt rebellious as hell and wanted to do cartwheels and make snow angels WOOOO. But after three big storms, the city was out of space. It’s not like other areas where you can just push all the snow into Wal-Mart parking lots or melt it all. There’s just nowhere to put it. On my way to work, there was a pile of snow in the fire station’s small parking lot that was easily twelve feet high. Cars would get buried in snow, then covered again by the plows.

Needless to say, I didn’t do a lot of traipsing around Boston. I’d like to say that I strapped on my amazing boots and went around with a cute hat and a mug of hot cocoa and waved at people in the streets with rosy cheeks, but that would be a straight up lie. I went into hibernation.

The problem with living on the east coast is that the sun goes down so early in the winter. I’d look out the window at 4:30, and it was like oh, well–bedtime I guess. Except, I was working on hundreds of pages of PDFs and I had three more hours before I’d even be able to leave work. So kids, if you wonder who made that amazing study guide or PowerPoint (you probably don’t), it was me. Staying up very late. You’re welcome.

People start to lose their shit in the winter. At work, people started putting up posters for COFFEE CLUB. At first I was like oh hey, more people who drink coffee? Count me in please. It turns out, however, that the so-called club was really for deciding on a new instant coffee machine for the pantries. It’s probably like choosing a casket–they’ll do the job, but none of them are going to make the end product any better. However, this was only the first meeting. The first was to discuss options. A few weeks later, posters went up for a second meeting. TASTE TESTS.

I’m so confused. Is this someone’s actual job? Or do people actually care? I find this either really sad or really cute. I can’t decide. Maybe everyone else was just as stir crazy as me and were like “Oh a new crappy coffee machine? That sounds like fun HAHAH YAY!”

But that is SO minor compared to something else that happened. One day, I went to use the bathroom. I opened the door to a stall, and there, on the seat, was a little piece of shit. Someone had actually lost their shit.

Let me be clear: I work in a professional environment. We have a security desk and need key cards to access all doors. We have a cafeteria and are located right downtown. It’s not like I work at a daycare or some place where shit would be perfectly acceptable and maybe even something we could all laugh about. NO. I have all sorts of questions about logistics. Namely, how in the h is the possible? How can you not realize this has happened? Or, worse, did someone do it on purpose? Maybe this person was saying, hey winter, here is what you are. Take THAT. Either way I’m completely horrified and scarred.

Enough of that shit. (Sorry about all the shit puns, except not really because they just keep coming to me and I can’t help myself.) Part of the reason I haven’t been blogging much is that I’ve been generally upset about the state of the world. I worried that any blog post might turn into an incoherent rant, which would be a lot of fun for me but probably not for you. And I’d end up more worked up than before.

Anyway, I’ve emerged from my hibernation and while I attempt to adjust to the natural light, I’ll be updating with some of the things I managed to drag myself outside for. Namely:

- Accidentally getting drunk with a famous writer

- Seeing my favorite author speak and behaving like a lovestruck teenager

- Attending a concert where I learned that a purse can be a weapon used against pushy highschoolers

- Making eye contact with John Irving

- Hugging the Washington Monument

- AND MORE

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I managed to rouse myself enough to take a long walk one snowy day to take a picture of the Charles River all covered in white. Even though it was still cold, it was sunny enough that I knew spring was coming and that winter will go away, like it always does.

Love,

Jill